‘How do we make time for intimacy?’: sex expert Alix Fox answered your questions
Sexual culture and wellbeing expert Alix Fox answered your questions about how to have a healthier, happier, hornier love life Greygoose77 asks : Can electronic sex toys cause desensitisation? Alix: Short answer: nope. But they can temporarily alter the threshold of stimulatory intensity that you require in order to get off. That has been covered more fully here . Alix: Mate, I hear you. And I suspect you’re going to sigh with all the power of a wind tunnel when I tell you that unless you prioritise intimacy, it isn’t going to happen. You have to block in time for it – which will likely mean booting something else out of your diary. That can seem hard at first, when EVERYTHING feels important if not essential. But what’s harder is mourning a dwindling love life. Plus, having a sexy, silly, scrumptious time with a lover can be like a triple espresso when it comes to putting a pep in your step and soothing everyday stress. It may sound trite, but when intimacy functions as a therapeutic release, ‘doing it’ can actually help you get other things done. To be clear, I’m talking about scheduling intimacy, not necessarily intercourse . Nobody should feel duty bound to engage in any particular physical act when the allotted date rolls round. You may find it helpful (and a welcome turn on) to write a ‘menu’ of different erotic ‘dishes’ you might like to choose from during a date night, ranging from more delicate flavours like having your hair washed for you or a bubble bath for two, to spicier exploits like taking turns to read from an explicit book. Dr Sara Nasserzadeh, author of Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love , says “scheduled sexy time should feel like a restaurant reservation: sometimes you’ll fancy a lighter meal; other times, a richer dish. You may both pick different courses, or feel drawn to the same plate. The only criteria is that everyone comes away satisfied – which doesn’t always require orgasm, by the way.” Continue reading...
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